Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
