i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
