I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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