Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
