??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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