Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
