I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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