Me too!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
