Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
