Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
