So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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