I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
