I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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