you didnt know i had herpes?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
