i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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