If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
