I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
