Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
