He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
