Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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