if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
