he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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