We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
