I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
