Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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