Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
