Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
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