He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
