overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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