please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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