So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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