Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
