do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
