I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
