If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
