I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
