update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
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Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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