Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
