You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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