The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
