I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
