Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.