I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
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I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.