OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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