That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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