you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
