my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
