The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
