I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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