Got a toothbrush?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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