dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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