Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it because I queefed?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
