There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
