i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
