the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
