Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
