someone threw a dead crab at me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize