I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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