OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
