i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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