wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
