you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
