I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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