guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
