one might say we're banned from that church
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
