I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
