he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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