i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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