Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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