dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
