Porn is love you can see.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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