Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just had sex on a roof
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
