ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
