I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
