When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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