you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
