so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
