the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
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