I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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