Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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