i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
