So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
