I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
