I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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