I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
