OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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