i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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