How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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