The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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