It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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