my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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