Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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