you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
